Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
