I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
