Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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