I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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