Little spoons don't ask big questions
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I am naked and annoyed.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
