I'm gonna have a badass scar
barbara walters just said penis...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize