I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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