we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
