I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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