this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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