fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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