mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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