wat bout pragnant strippers??
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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