last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
