Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize