I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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