I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
why didn't you poke me back
I feel like abortions should bother me more
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
