Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Randomize
