I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
