There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
