break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
