and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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