have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
