walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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