Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
