My hair reeks of homosexuality.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
