I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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