I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
