The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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