Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
