between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
