Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize