have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
