You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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