I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
