how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
