I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
