My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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