i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
