Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Randomize
