so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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