My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
