hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize