Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
