I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize