This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
