You just made me feel so damn special
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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