If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize