we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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