I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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