I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
