I hate all girls vehemently.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
