It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
