So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
