You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
