Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
