is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
