do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
