Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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