i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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