I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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