woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
