I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
