Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
