Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Come on in and take your pants off
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