Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
