fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize