If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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