I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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